Don't stop

The duality of this physical existence continues to inflict me with its distortion. It's been four weeks since I started working full-time (Content Producer for TV magazine show, Zwahashu, on SABC2) and I feel blessed and cursed at the same time. The comfort of a regular job provides me with room for breath that I have not had in over a year but that space has yet to settle so I continue to struggle with the consequences of my freelance lifestyle. Technology is crumbling around me and I am not in a position to sort it out, at present, and with the second burglary of my home, the lack of resource feels even more pronounced. But, I am optimistic. I am still in the part of the job where everything is new and challenging and, therefore, exciting. Also, it's really cool to have short-term milestones to accomplish. Working on long term goals can be a loveless experience without clear definitions of success and accomplishment. Working on poetry endeavours that may only bear fruit in the next 2 to 5 years leaves the soul drained. How does one determine whether they are moving in the right direction or not?

Talking about poetry, there is progress. Firstly, knowing that I can do it when I want to, on my terms has relieved me of the pressure of achieving. I can be poetic whenever I feel like it, and when I'm not interested, I can forget about it. Secondly, I can approach it with a relatively clear mind. It is easier to figure out exactly what I want to do and when.

Started working on my next collection for possible publication mid to late next year. Thinking of publishing poems solely from my Imperfect Poetry blog (http://imperfectpoetry.blogspot.com). While it is getting harder to post every day, I am building a decent collection of scribblings and hope that at least some deserve some extra work and re-writing. Any thoughts on how viable that is as an idea? Actually, anyone know how I could interest MTV Books in publishing some of my work? For some reason, they are a publishing house I've always thought might take a risk on my writings (we can all dream).

Anyway, beyond that, the calls for gigs are starting to come in and, for once, I actually have a plan to increase this. Also working on actually getting gigs confirmed. Have had a few, including a gig in New York, that were cancelled. In the next few weeks, I should actually have at least 5 confirmed over the next month. It's invigorating to be provided with new spaces to share my words (and the remuneration doesn't hurt either).

Well, that's it for me. Finally posted. This space has become very directionless. Not quite sure what to do with it so I guess it is becoming a bit of a personal journal. Aluta continua. Easy

Normally, I post on the run. It's usually one of those moments when something says - oh, I need to post - and I take a second or two to rattle off some irrelevant words. Today, I have decided to call it a night early and have crawled into bed with my 'crackberry' to post. Not that it means I will be anymore coherent than normal, it just means I'm chilling when I do this.

Last week I started a new job, doing content and research for a television programme called Zwahashu. It's a new challenge and taking some getting used to but it is nice to have something new to try and figure out. I have spent a lifetime jumping between industries, never really settling in one space for too long, other than in the Word. Television production is an area that has always fascinated me. As a creative and corporate hybrid, I find that television is the one place that possibly allows me both. I have also been a TV junkie and drifted around the edges of the industry for some years now. Now I have one foot in and am hoping that I will find a place that allows for expression. Project management, writing, conceptualisation, creative thought - these are areas that inspire me and gradually I will have opportunity to explore all of these. It's also nice to finally have some stability.

I read somewhere that, over the centuries, there are few poets who have actually a living off their Word. I am consoled by that. I have learned that I do not need to exist in a space where the hope of my future lies solely in poetry and that seems to have released from a cell I had confined myself within. I love the Word, simply. I shall submerge myself within it till the end of my breathing days and beyond. But, my success shall not be determined by how many gigs I get or how many books I sell but rather by what my heart says.

A few weeks ago, I was featured at Xarra Books. It was humbling to sit in a space where people had left home just to come through to listen to my words - no back-up dancers, bling-bling, etc. Just a room with people open to hearing my truth. I have often wondered how artists who have reached greater heights feel. What that moment is like when you feel like you have attained some level of 'recognition'. Does one even know what that point is? It's all very confusing.

Okay, looks like this sitting to write breeds incoherence. My thoughts spill out randomly - very much in the way I actually think - and I start to lose myself.

This week is going to be another interesting one. On Wednesday evening, I will be on SABC3's 3Talk With Noeleen, with other poets. 3Talk is a talk show that flights every weekday around 17:30 (I think). On Sunday I perform at Constitution Hill at an event called 100 Men Stand, organised by EngenderHealth. It is part of a programme called Men As Partners and I am looking forward to finding out more about what the programme actually entails.

I was supposed to be going to the US for a gig but that seems to have fallen through. Really frustrating coz I really feel like I need to get beyond my current poetic space and share my word, but the time will come.

Phew, that was a mouthful. Easy
Blog: http://infinitepursuit.blogspot.com
Poetry:
www.artistswithoutfrontiers.com (Writer's Section)
http://othervoicespoetry.org/vol8/baffoe/index.html

Round Two

So. Life is a series of moments that add up to something .... or nothing - whatever makes you comfortable. I think I've been down so long, it's becoming hard work to stay there. Went home (to Lesotho) this weekend for my sister's wedding.

Note: don't know about elsewhere in the world but in Africa, no matter where you decide to settle, home is always where your people are and where you come from.

While away, my home (in Joburg) was broken into (again). This time the bastards left with my dvd player, playstation, clothes & jewellery, and the stereo I got for my 21st birthday. I have trekked around southern Africa with that stereo & I am definitely going to miss - wherever I went, that stereo was with me. What really pisses me off is that they took my Prince CD (which was in the stereo) and my Pumas (bought in Tokyo by my brother.

Now the security gets bumped up even more. Sat in a meeting this morning with security company & discovered that there are two drug dealers & two brothels in my complex. Aah, don't you just love Joburg suburbs?

But I still love this city - and I hate this city. Crazy thing.

Just venting, but still feeling poetic. Really starting to feel like a poet - tho it probably doesn't seem like it on the Imperfect Poetry.

Damn, running out of words.